In the past 25 years I have been shocked by the looseness among Christian youth. They are very free with their hands in handling the opposite sex. They seem to hug everyone including the mailman. Their speech is suggestive and offensive, but then they are only repeating what they see and hear on television, movies, and recordings. Most of their pastors and parents are silent.

I decided very early in my ministry that I would never be alone with a woman, kiss, touch, or hug a woman who was not a member of my family. So I am not a hugger of females–or trees. Admittedly, my position may be a little extreme; however, I took the command of the Apostle Paul literally when he said in I Cor. 7:1: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Yes, he was speaking of people getting married during the distressing political circumstances that would come to Christians in the Roman Empire; however, I took it literally as a young man and I would do the same thing again! One thing is sure, if you don’t hug them, you won’t sleep with them.

The Orthodox Jews teach that youth should not touch each other until marriage. I think the Jews can teach modern Christians something. Of course, inappropriate touching is always preceded by evil thinking. Evil thinking is often prompted by what is seen. We should follow the example of the psalmist who wrote in Psalms 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.” (Could that apply to television shows, movies, and computers?)

II Tim. 2:22 warns us to “Flee youthful lusts.” Lust must be disassociated from attraction since attraction is a normal and God-given response to beauty. However, lustful men objectify the female until they assume “ownership” and do whatever they want with her, at least mentally. Many men assume the right to conquer her and touch, even take her body. To blame his vileness on the woman as many attempt to do, no matter how she is dressed, is stupid, silly, and strange. Blaming the woman is unreasonable, unfair, and unscriptural.

In Matthew 5, Christ revealed a new thought for mankind: if a man lusts in his heart, the sin of adultery has been committed. However, He does not place the blame on the woman but goes on to tell a man to (hyperbolically) pluck out his eye if it causes him an offense, meaning if he is caused to stumble. While that does not give permission for a woman to dress like a harlot (after all, if you dress like one, you cannot complain if some think you to be as you dress), it clearly removes the woman as justification for the man’s sin. Consequently, flee youthful lusts and be careful what you look at. Job 31:1suggests what men should do: “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” With that thought is the understanding that if you don’t see the maid, you won’t be tempted to lie with the maid.

The extension of this thought is obvious: we must be careful what we see. Christians or even lost people who care about morality should not read salacious literature. Students should refuse to read books filled with obscenity and immorality that is presented as normal and acceptable. Porn on the Internet should be repulsed, modern movies filled with vulgarity and nudity should be refused, and most television shows should be rejected.

One of the most surprising, shocking, and stunning things to me is the caviler way modern Christians react to the culture: books, movies, television, recordings, etc. A deacon friend defended his watching filthy movies on cable television. He said that the nudity and vulgarity didn’t bother him. I did not believe him, nor do I believe Christians can watch Internet porn, modern movies, and television without being corrupted. As the first and second century Christian leaders preached about the theater of their day, “You watch adultery and learn how to commit it.” To say that filthy talk and immoral plots do not affect you is to gainsay the very philosophy of education.

The human mind has a capacity to slowly accept, approve, and act out what is observed. Of course, at first you are appalled at evil but you get over it. You no longer feel uncomfortable when you see a nude scene or a couple climbing into bed or same-sex immorality. Moreover, after hearing the dirty, four-letter words for a while, they nestle in your mine and come rather easily to your lips. In your innocent days, you would have been horrified but now, it is acceptable. After all, everyone you know has adjusted. First you find the vileness appalling then acceptable, then approving. Then comes anger when someone confronts you for that sin.

Recently we were with some folks when something traumatic happened that momentarily shocked all of us and a lady responded with a loud expletive. It seemed so natural. For a second after we realized that we were not in any danger, she embarrassingly said she was sorry for her vulgarity. I said that it was probably because of watching movies and raunchy television shows. Her reply was interesting and telling: “Well, that happens when you are around people who talk that way.” But my response is, “Why would they be around people who express themselves by cursing?” I thought about sending her a bar of soap. That worked in my generation.

It is not good for a man to touch a woman and I don’t want to be insensitive to where I think I have a right to handle the opposite (or the same!) sex. I’d rather be too narrow than too broad.

Copyright 2013, Don Boys, Ph.D.

In a recent speech, former actress Jessica Rey discussed the evolution of the swimsuit and her opinions on modesty and the reaction produced a mini storm. Everyone seems to have an opinion and even their own line of clothes! Even the Mormons have their own line of modest clothing sold in high-end department stores, and the Muslims also have their own line. The Mormons’ dresses are much more stylish than the Muslims since you can’t do much with white sheets dyed black except cut two eye holes in them. With that, voilà, we have a dress!

For many years Roman Catholics, Mormons and Jews have tried to combat the rise in immodest dress. On one of my tours to the Middle East, we stopped for a couple days in Rome and when I took them to the Vatican there was a notice that informed us what was acceptable and unacceptable dress. At other Catholic churches, women were given wraparounds if they wore shorts or scandalous skirts. None of my group was dressed scandalously.

But feminists and many modern Christian leaders argue that the Bible’s demand for modesty refers to display of things such as wealth not seductive clothes. It is both! We should be more concerned with modesty and neatness in our garments than elegance, cost, and fashion.

Sharon Hodde Miller, a doctoral student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School brazenly said, “A woman’s breasts and buttocks and thighs all proclaim the glory of the Lord.” She said, “Modesty is an orientation of the heart, first and foremost. It begins with putting God first.” She is correct; however, if God is first in one’s life, he or she will seek to glorify God and obey Scriptural commands. If a woman uses her bouncing breasts, swaying buttocks, or exposed flesh to influence men other than her husband, it is very unchristian. It is also a blasphemous use of the female body.

Evangelical and Fundamentalist youth wear shirts declaring “Hottest is Modest” or the reverse although I can’t imagine Christians wearing something like that. Whatever one’s definition of “hottest” it obviously can have a sexual and negative connotation. Why send the wrong message to others? I wonder what parents are doing in the parenting department. Are Christians to be “hot”? That kind of sexual suggestion is not conducive with the body being the Temple of the Holy Spirit. However, we are told to never correct our children since it might stunt their development and they might even throw a hissy. Can’t have that. They also may think they are unloved.

Christians are not to draw attention to self but the Savior. In Matt. 23:5 Christ rebuked the scribes and Pharisees by saying, “But all their works they do for to be seen of men…and enlarge their borders.” “Enlarge their borders” refer to Jews who wore fringes on their robes as commanded in Num. 15:38-39 to remind them of God’s commandments. However, they went beyond God’s command and enlarged them to draw attention to themselves. People dress outrageously and do strange things to their bodies to draw attention or to be “cool” or “trendy.”

Christ’s teaching in Matt. 23 will eliminate seductive clothing, inappropriate clothing, piercings, tattoos, expensive jewelry, green hair, Mohawk haircuts, and pants drooping below the 38th parallel. Christians are not to draw attention to self but to Christ. Believers were called Christians in Antioch because they reminded people of Christ. Many modern Christians remind me of a circus performer. Shocking, shameful, and salacious dress (or activity) will drive people away from Christ not to Him. Just today, a Texas public school district announced that any tattoos must be covered and only ear piercings would be accepted! Any churches doing that?

Modesty should be a byproduct of genuine Christianity although critics confuse modesty with prudery. Prudery is abnormal. Modesty is Christian, common, and commendable. Modest people have respect for their bodies (made in the image of God) and respect for social norms, and respect for other people. Both genders should consider proper dress as a sign of elegance, education, and erudition. A silent statement is made by immodestly dressed people, male and female: “I don’t think much of myself and I don’t expect you to value or respect me either.”

In many churches on Sunday morning, it is almost like a Sunday Morning Slutwalk with bouncing boobs, cavernous cleavage, gyrating hips, skintight pants (male and female), and slit skirts front, back and both sides. It seems tempting, tantalizing, and taunting are part of some modern women’s arsenals. Feminists and others seek to remove all responsibility from women for the reactions they get from men because of seductive clothes while most lusting men put the responsibility for their temptation totally upon the women!

It is normal for men to react to exposed breasts and other parts of the female body. That is the way God made them. It would be abnormal if they did not react to the exposed female body. However, men are responsible for their own impure, illegal and iniquitous actions. Moreover, attraction is not lust but it often ends in lust.

Men like to see skin but how much skin is permitted? Some Muslims cover their entire bodies, even their eyes! That might be considered going far past modesty to prudery.

The absence of modesty among females is an egregious problem, but I must emphatically state that however wickedly they dress, it does not relieve men of their own actions. While lust is natural, it is naturally sinful. It dehumanizes the female and a man takes her for himself (at least mentally) often to prove superiority over her as well as to satisfy personal cravings.

Christians should ask themselves not only what is acceptable but what is appropriate for each occasion. It is a joy to meet a person with a happy smile, pure heart, and noble intentions who is modest, kind, humble, and genuine. Not many out there!

Moreover, I’ll be considered naïve and self-righteous for even suggesting they should be out there!

Copyright 2013, Don Boys, Ph.D.