The Bible teaches that a wife is a help meet to her husband (not a slave, servant, or subject) and he is to cleave unto her protecting her with his life if necessary. Since the Garden of Eden he battled the bugs, beetles, and briars to provide food to eat, and she has provided him children, many children, especially boys. In that day his word was law and binding on wife and children, and if she disagreed with him, she did so discreetly. In I Samuel 25, Abigail did not confront her husband Nabal when he acted a fool in relationship to King David. She was a woman “of good understanding, and a beautiful countenance” and she used discretion in disagreeing with her husband. A wife is a fool if she disparages, denigrates, or even disagrees with her husband in the presence of others. It could destroy him and the marriage.

While the Bible clearly provides the pattern for a solid, successful, and spiritual home life, there have been many attempts to second guess God or to suggest that His way is too restrictive. It started early in man’s history in Genesis 4 when Lamech took two wives. (He was also a killer.) Later even Abraham took concubines and it has been going downhill ever since. While God permitted plural marriages in the Old Testament, He never endorsed them. He gave mankind the pattern for the family in Genesis when He provided one wife for Adam. In fact, there are only 15 examples of polygamy up to the time of Solomon and only four or five after that to the time of Christ!

Various societies have tried multiple wives such as the Mormons in the U.S. They practiced polygamy until it was outlawed although some fringe Mormons out west still illegally practice polygamy.

Many people would ask: “Why would polygamy be attractive to people since many men find it a challenge to take care of one woman?” Through the centuries it would have been the scarcity of men as a result of wars resulting in numerous unmarried females, the desire for more offspring, a barren wife, cementing political units, and other reasons but probably the main reason is common, everyday lust on the part of men.

There is even a warped, wacky, worldly group that promotes polygamy among Bible-believing Christians as a Scriptural way of life! Their website defines itself “as a Christ-centered, Spirit-led, Scripture-believing” organization. Even though the focus is about Christian Polygamy, the Gospel of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is still held as “above all else.” They are a parachurch group that has the interest in promoting polygamy among Christian churches as their only motivation. They go to extremes to disassociate themselves from Mormon polygamy.
Christ made it clear that polygamy was not acceptable in Matthew 19:3-9; Mark 10:1-2; and Luke 16:18. It is amazing how men can justify anything if they play around with it long enough.

Another form of “family” is the union where multiple men live with one woman: polyandry. Polyandry is fairly common in the animal kingdom, and it has been practiced at various times by a considerable number of people or tribes. It existed among the primitive Arabs, the early American Indians, the Hottentots, and the inhabitants of India, Ceylon, and New Zealand. Along India’s Malabar Coast a female is permitted to marry several men if they are of equal or superior rank, while in Tibet, a woman may marry the eldest brother of a family and get all his brothers in the deal. It was common in polyandrous marriages for all the husbands to be brothers with the original husband being the top honcho or number one husband. He had more privileges than the others.

Polyamory is a simultaneous and multiple sexual relationships that has been practiced in various cults and some religious groups.

Other individuals don’t pretend to have a formal family arrangement but sleep with anyone of the opposite sex assuming they are at room temperature: promiscuity. The number of people, young and old, living a promiscuous life is shocking and the rise in STDs is a sure indication.

Still more shocking are those living in perversion or as some call it, same-sex “marriage.” The Bible calls it sodomy. So do I.

God’s plan is simple and it works: a man is to marry a woman and spend the rest of his life trying to make her the happiest person in the world. He is to provide, protect, and promote her wellbeing. He is to cherish her and be physically, mentally, and spiritually faithful to her until the undertaker slams the lid on his casket.

The wife is to meet her husband’s needs–even desires, keep a clean home, produce a brood of well-behaved children who will grow up to produce loving, obedient, kind grandchildren. She will obey him and treat him like a king knowing that he in turn will treat her like a queen.

With the passage of the years and the addition of twenty or thirty pounds and his hair turning gray (or turning loose) they will grow old together still in love and more committed than ever. The flame will still be burning and while there may be no danger of setting the woods on fire, that’s alright too.

This is sure: the Bible never condones multiply wives, concubines, or prostitutes nor does it give government the authority to approve marriages.

(Eighth of nine columns dealing with no state involvement in marriage. Next column: “Use a Covenant Not State Contract for Marriages!”)

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Furthermore, He was a guest at the marriage in Cana thereby giving His approval on the proceedings.
The ancient Jews thought that there were three major events in life: birth, marriage, and death with marriage being the most important. They felt very strongly about marriage as revealed in the Talmud: “Any Jew who has not a wife is no man.” In fact, marriage was required by the Jews who believed an unmarried man a murderer! Wow, that’s strong!

In the early Roman Empire before the birth of Christ, marriage was a duty of all Roman aristocrats. In Sparta, a fine was imposed on bachelorhood, late marriage, and single life! According to the laws of Lycurgus, unmarried persons were prohibited from attending the public games and Plato declared all bachelors were unworthy of any honor. The Greeks obviously wanted families even while they tolerated and even glorified perversion!

The background of marriage is varied and interesting. As a substitution for God’s plan of marriage, men have made all kinds of living and sexual arrangements. They are polygamy (one man with multiple wives), polyandry (one woman with multiple husbands), polyamory (multiple and simultaneous sexual relationships), promiscuity (jumping from bed to bed like a deranged rabbit), and perversion (same-sex or sex with anything from a goat to a rocking chair). That covers most of them. Pedophilia is being touted as acceptable sexual behavior and soon it will even be “brave,” “courageous,” and “bold” to advocate such depravity.

Promiscuity has always been practiced, yet not as a normal, common, and acceptable practice except by a few small tribes. In those few instances, males and females lived “promiscuously” with whomever they desired. Members of the Oneida community in New York, for example, practiced “complex marriage,” in which all members of the community were married to all others, and sexual contact was regulated by the group.

Some would suggest that general promiscuity is very similar to the animal kingdom. I agree. It’s called, “pigpen morality.” Hollywood also comes to mind as an obvious example of barnyard living arrangements.

In Old Testament times, the parents chose the mate for their son primarily because the bride became part of the clan. Although the new couple became “one flesh,” they both remained under the authority of the bridegroom’s father. The Illustrated Bible Dictionary declares, “The parents chose someone who would best fit into their clan and work harmoniously with her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law.”

“Love” was seldom an issue in those days. The girl had little or nothing to say about the matter although Rebekah was a biblical exception. They did not marry the one they loved, but learned to love the one they married. Love did not hold the family together. Commitment did, with the encouragement of local, family, and religious connections. Most young people today can’t even spell commitment and they got that from their parents.

The Old Testament is the most authoritative and ancient source so it is a good beginning for a study of marriage, family, and the home. Ancient Jews were to marry only other Jews and any deviation was considered a terrible sin against God. God seemed to be concerned that any marriage, other than between two Jews, would corrupt His people. (They were corrupt enough without the influence of pagans. Solomon is a good example of pagan corruption.) The Apostle Paul emphasized that Christians in Corinth should not marry unbelievers (II Cor. 6:14). That command holds today for modern Christians.

The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia reveals that the Old Testament has no mention of a formal exchange of vows or of a preacher, prophet, or priest being present at weddings since it was a family affair: “There was no formal religious ceremony connected with the Hebrew marriage as with us–there is not a hint of such a thing in the Bible.” In Gen. 2:24, Adam is seen cleaving unto his wife, the first time “wife” is used in the Bible. No ceremony, no preacher, no license, no church and no state involvement, so I am on solid ground in refusing any state involvement in marriage since marriage was established before any government.

At weddings, the couple would have a meal with family and friends, then the man took the woman into his home before witnesses and they were considered married. This was always with the permission of the father of the girl showing he approved of the groom. The couple became a family.

According to the Code of Hammurabi (about 1800 BC) in ancient Babylon (Iraq), marriage was a contract between a man and woman and marriages were arranged by relatives.

During the Roman Empire, there were wealthy citizens who wanted to list their property when they entered a marriage so there could be no misunderstanding by anyone as to the status of the man and his heirs. This was the beginning of officially recording marriages similar to what we do today. A Roman male could terminate a marriage any time, but a wife who wanted to end a marriage had to grin and bear it. Many unhappy wives in the Empire did little grinning but they did a lot of groaning.

This Roman custom was the first step on a very slippery slope of government control of marriages and a take-over of homes; and it is past time for Christian churches to take back control of the formation of their families.

There is no legislation or court decision necessary. Pastors should simply stop using a marriage license and use a written covenant instead. Everything else would remain the same. No notice or permission is necessary from any official. If a couple wants to record the ceremony at their county courthouse that is their prerogative and I think should be done. It would simply be informing the state after the fact.

Since government fouls up everything and has no scriptural support for regulating weddings, government should have nothing to do with modern marriages. Get the state out of all Christian marriages! Frankly, I can build a good case for churches to get out of the wedding business since there is not one command for preachers to perform weddings. However, a church can choose to have what ministries their members want whether it is Sunday school, youth services, camps, rallies, or weddings. There is no scriptural command for any of those ministries but that doesn’t mean they are wrong.

(Second of nine columns dealing with no state involvement in marriage. Next column: “Stable Homes Produce a Stable State!”)

http://bit.ly/1iMLVfY Watch these 8 minute videos of my lecture at the University of North Dakota: “A Christian Challenges New Atheists to Put Up or Shut Up!”