In the past 25 years I have been shocked by the looseness among Christian youth. They are very free with their hands in handling the opposite sex. They seem to hug everyone including the mailman. Their speech is suggestive and offensive, but then they are only repeating what they see and hear on television, movies, and recordings. Most of their pastors and parents are silent.

I decided very early in my ministry that I would never be alone with a woman, kiss, touch, or hug a woman who was not a member of my family. So I am not a hugger of females–or trees. Admittedly, my position may be a little extreme; however, I took the command of the Apostle Paul literally when he said in I Cor. 7:1: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Yes, he was speaking of people getting married during the distressing political circumstances that would come to Christians in the Roman Empire; however, I took it literally as a young man and I would do the same thing again! One thing is sure, if you don’t hug them, you won’t sleep with them.

The Orthodox Jews teach that youth should not touch each other until marriage. I think the Jews can teach modern Christians something. Of course, inappropriate touching is always preceded by evil thinking. Evil thinking is often prompted by what is seen. We should follow the example of the psalmist who wrote in Psalms 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.” (Could that apply to television shows, movies, and computers?)

II Tim. 2:22 warns us to “Flee youthful lusts.” Lust must be disassociated from attraction since attraction is a normal and God-given response to beauty. However, lustful men objectify the female until they assume “ownership” and do whatever they want with her, at least mentally. Many men assume the right to conquer her and touch, even take her body. To blame his vileness on the woman as many attempt to do, no matter how she is dressed, is stupid, silly, and strange. Blaming the woman is unreasonable, unfair, and unscriptural.

In Matthew 5, Christ revealed a new thought for mankind: if a man lusts in his heart, the sin of adultery has been committed. However, He does not place the blame on the woman but goes on to tell a man to (hyperbolically) pluck out his eye if it causes him an offense, meaning if he is caused to stumble. While that does not give permission for a woman to dress like a harlot (after all, if you dress like one, you cannot complain if some think you to be as you dress), it clearly removes the woman as justification for the man’s sin. Consequently, flee youthful lusts and be careful what you look at. Job 31:1suggests what men should do: “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” With that thought is the understanding that if you don’t see the maid, you won’t be tempted to lie with the maid.

The extension of this thought is obvious: we must be careful what we see. Christians or even lost people who care about morality should not read salacious literature. Students should refuse to read books filled with obscenity and immorality that is presented as normal and acceptable. Porn on the Internet should be repulsed, modern movies filled with vulgarity and nudity should be refused, and most television shows should be rejected.

One of the most surprising, shocking, and stunning things to me is the caviler way modern Christians react to the culture: books, movies, television, recordings, etc. A deacon friend defended his watching filthy movies on cable television. He said that the nudity and vulgarity didn’t bother him. I did not believe him, nor do I believe Christians can watch Internet porn, modern movies, and television without being corrupted. As the first and second century Christian leaders preached about the theater of their day, “You watch adultery and learn how to commit it.” To say that filthy talk and immoral plots do not affect you is to gainsay the very philosophy of education.

The human mind has a capacity to slowly accept, approve, and act out what is observed. Of course, at first you are appalled at evil but you get over it. You no longer feel uncomfortable when you see a nude scene or a couple climbing into bed or same-sex immorality. Moreover, after hearing the dirty, four-letter words for a while, they nestle in your mine and come rather easily to your lips. In your innocent days, you would have been horrified but now, it is acceptable. After all, everyone you know has adjusted. First you find the vileness appalling then acceptable, then approving. Then comes anger when someone confronts you for that sin.

Recently we were with some folks when something traumatic happened that momentarily shocked all of us and a lady responded with a loud expletive. It seemed so natural. For a second after we realized that we were not in any danger, she embarrassingly said she was sorry for her vulgarity. I said that it was probably because of watching movies and raunchy television shows. Her reply was interesting and telling: “Well, that happens when you are around people who talk that way.” But my response is, “Why would they be around people who express themselves by cursing?” I thought about sending her a bar of soap. That worked in my generation.

It is not good for a man to touch a woman and I don’t want to be insensitive to where I think I have a right to handle the opposite (or the same!) sex. I’d rather be too narrow than too broad.

Copyright 2013, Don Boys, Ph.D.

Recently I was watching Hannity on Fox while speaking in Tucson and spending time with long-time friends. Bob Beckel, thinking the show was on a commercial break, used the F word. Hannity suggested that he apologize; however, he refused, saying incorrectly that they were not on the air. (As if that mattered!) The panel assured him that the vulgar word was heard by the nation-wide audience. Beckel humbly, although reluctantly, apologized. There is a difference in an apology, even a sincere one, and repentance.

Beckel then blamed Hannity for not steering the show correctly thereby relieving himself of blame! What he and almost all media personalities don’t understand is that the word should never be used. Christians should never use the word and should confess it as sin if they do. A lame apology will not do. Beckel claims to be a Christian but only he and God know for sure. The fact is: he used a foul, wicked word that is used by uncouth, unthinking, uncaring, uneducated people.

Even non-Christians should not use that and other vulgar words. A few years ago, even the most rude, crude, and lewd men did not use such words in decent company especially in the presence of women. Now, even women are using the term. Yes, the times, they are a-changin’! For the worst.

Listen to teens and you will hear the F word and many other vulgar words used repeatedly in a few sentences! Of course, they hear it at school, home, on recordings, and on television. Even some Christian preteens use cr*p, fa*t, frik*n’, etc., as if they are acceptable. Parents and pastors are failing, and some evangelical pastors are known for their cursing!

My critics will accuse me of living in a religious bubble and that has been generally true for most of my adult life. However, that does not mean that I have no exposure to the real world with all its corruption. After all, I have traveled worldwide, shopped, dealt with businessmen, was a life insurance salesman, served in the Indiana House of Representatives (where I reprimanded the cursing wife of a judge in front of him and their legislative friends), and appeared on hundreds of television and radio talk shows where I was called many vulgar words that I had no idea of their meaning! So my “bubble” has not meant total seclusion.

All my close friends and associates are very kind, educated, cultured, refined, urbane, sensitive people who eschew “gosh,” “heck,” “darn,” although we do lose control at times and utter “cool” or “neat.” Gasp! Maybe we say “cool” to appear cool in the eyes of others! I am not suggesting that people who use four letter words are living in the depths of depravity, although I am saying that such words are unnecessary, uncouth and a poor example to others, especially the young.

Christ told us to say what we mean when He said, “But let your communications be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” That command could call into question the use of innocent words such as “hip,” “cool,” and “neat.” Someone will ask, “Then what are we expected to say?” Well, how about saying, “That is excellent,” or “I like that,” or the like.

Most people, who use the F word, including Bob Beckel, don’t know what it stands for. Yes, they know what it means but not the etymology. While there are differences of opinion in the background of the word, couples guilty of fornication during colonial times were placed in public stocks with the F word written on the wood stocks. The word stood for “For Unnatural Carnal Knowledge” and was used because there was not space on the stocks to spell out their offense.

Others tell us it meant Fornication Under Consent of the King, whereby he gave permission for married people to participate in sex. Still others suggest that it stood for the king’s permission to diplomats travelling on long journeys so they could stop at any home and have sex with the eldest unmarried woman.

Obviously, whatever the actual historical derivation, the foundation was sex and it has usually been considered a vulgar word. As such, it should never be part of anyone’s speech, especially that of a Christian.

Whatever we say should be unambiguous and not be embarrassing or an insult to others who believe their yea should be yea and their nay should be nay. Vulgar (ever non- vulgar) curse words are never acceptable by civil, cultured, and Christian people.

The Apostle Paul commanded us in Colossians 3:8 “Put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communications out of your mouth.” He also said, “Evil communications corrupt good manners.” Swearing results in a coarsening of society. Are you listening, Bob?

If Bob’s momma is alive, maybe she could help him by washing out his mouth with soap! That worked for thousands of us. How about it, Bob?