France has promised to be merciless and relentless in the pursuit of the ISIS terrorists who attacked and killed more than 128 French citizens and one American. That promise is honorable and just as long as the true offenders are the target. It would not be humane, civil, moral, and for sure not Christian to attack Muslims in general. Only barbarians do such things.
The President of France and the President of the U.S.A. each has one major job—to keep their nation safe. In the last 50 years, many nations have developed nuclear weapons. During the cold war (1945 to 1991) with the Soviet Union, the citizens lived in a strained but fairly safe world with both countries’ huge inventories of nuclear bombs. We lived under the M.A.D. doctrine which stood for Mutually Assured Destruction. The reasoning was simple, even primitive: You bomb us and we will bomb you. You bomb us even more and we step up our next bombing of you—until the world is a wasteland. It worked. There were battles from time to time in Korea, Vietnam, etc., but neither side was stupid enough to use nuclear weapons.
It was the deterrence principle that a well-armed nation, determined to live safely, would ensure peace. The thinking was that no sane national leader would jeopardize their own security, even existence, by launching an attack on a power that could and would destroy them.
But that is now passé. Maniacal Muslim monsters don’t care if they live or die nor do they feel any concern for their people. In fact, the possibility of being blasted into eternity with a nuclear bomb is somewhat intriguing to them, enhanced at the thought of being welcomed in Paradise by 72 green-eyed virgins. I think their “welcome” will be the surprise of eternity for them.
If we are going to have any sense of security in a world dominated by fools, fanatics, and fascists then we must crawl into the minds of Muslim fanatics and try to “work their system.” I think I have succeeded in doing that and might be able to suggest a kind of M.A.D. program that would guarantee an unsteady but mutual peace. We should issue a threat to the Muslim world that Mecca and Medina will be bombed with pig poop, pig’s entrails, bacon grease, etc., if radical Muslims attack us again. That may not be the most intellectual or genteel suggestion; however, it may be a more practical, profound, and productive proposal than what has come from the Pentagon or prissy politicians.
The President (and all major foreign leaders) should speak to the whole world before the United Nations and declare:
“We Americans want to live in peace; however, there are some who teach that they will someday rule the world whether through personal conversion, civil political activity or military control. We will not permit that to occur. We are rather satisfied with our nation as it is. Therefore, from this date, supported by my Joint Chiefs of Staff and the U.S. Congress, the U.S. has made the following decision:
“If and when any Muslim nation or Muslim group attacks the U.S.. (excepting obvious small, independent, maverick attacks), U.S. bombers will immediately fly, at my command, to Saudi Arabia and bomb the two holy cities of Mecca and Medina. However, our payload will be pig’s entrails, discarded hog meat, and tons of pig dung (provided enthusiastically by pig farmers in Iowa) that will saturate both cities from city limit to city limit. The land, buildings, and any people there will be totally contaminated.
“Muslims will not permit any non-Muslim to enter Mecca or Medina; however, after an attack upon America, Porky Pig, Miss Piggy, and their friends are coming to town. You can count on it. That is one promise I promise to keep.
“We don’t desire any deaths or injuries; however, researchers in U.S., Denmark, Netherlands, and Canada have discovered that the ‘nostrils of 49% of pigs and 45% of pig farmers,’ contain traces of the superbug MRSA that is devastating people worldwide. ‘Piglets had the highest rates of infection and in fact, every single pig under the age of 12 weeks harboured MRSA colonies.’ Therefore, there will be potential injury to citizens who do not flee the cities although MRSA infection is not as permanent and deadly as nuclear weapons.
“After thoroughly bombing both cities with pig entrails, one of our planes, carrying a piggybacked block-buster bomb, will put it down on top of the “holy” Ka’ba leaving, if I may quote Jesus Christ, not one stone left standing upon another. This is not desirable but it is better than bombing the two cities back to the Stone Age killing a million people.
“We have no desire to kill or injure any person, however, this is a commitment the American people have made through their representatives and we will not back off. There will be no further delay, discussion, or debate. After an attack upon us and we have confirmed that the perpetrators are Muslims, the pig poop will plummet.
“In kindness, we have made this decision hoping that no Muslim leader would want to stand before Allah and be held accountable for the total destruction of the Ka’ba and the contamination of the two holy cities of Islam.
“Our desire is to provide some assurance of a peaceful existence for American citizens— Muslims and non-Muslims. We expect all Muslim leaders to broadcast this promise to every Muslim on earth to assure mutual peace.
“Thank you and may God bless the United States of America.”
Now, I am a very simple person. If I lived in Mecca or Medina and America were attacked, I would head for the hills, or rather the desert. After the “bombing,” the Muslim religion would not permit citizens of the two holy cities to clean up the pig poop but I know some Baptists who would do it for $100.00 per shovelful, plus expenses. Yes, it would be costly and it would take many years to decontaminate the cities but oil at $40.00 per barrel would finance the cleanup.
As I started this column I placed my tongue firmly in check but as I progressed, I realized that my recommendation is original, innovative, inexpensive, and workable and after all, it makes more sense than what is coming out of the think tanks and the Pentagon. So I released my tongue to the norm. Let’s try it. It sure can’t hurt.
As world famous philosopher Porky Pig, a childhood friend of mine used to say, “Tha, tha, that’s all folks.”
(Boys’ new book, The God Haters was recently published by Barbwire Books; to get your copy of The God Haters click here . An eBook edition is also available.)
Fact, Fraud or Faith?
by Don Boys, Ph.D.
Only an uninformed fanatic says that evolution or creation can be proved scientifically. Christians believe in creationism because we believe in the veracity of the Bible but we also have scientific evidence to support our position. In every debate I’ve had with evolutionary scientists, the arrogant, asinine accusation is made, “Well, evolution is scientific while creationism is religion.” Evolution is about as scientific as a voodoo rooster plucking ceremony in Haiti. Almost.